A. Should I adopt children in birth order?
- An important aspect of adopting is to think about the impact it will have on ALL members of your family now, especially other children already in your family.
- Conventional wisdom encourages us to adopt in birth order, adding to the youngest end of the family as disrupting birth order may heighten identity struggles among the other children. While this is the general advice given, is does not always hold true for every family. It is important to wisely weigh the impact of adopting out of birth order, speak to professionals who can help advise you, and then make a decision you feel is in the best interest of the child and your family.
- Engage in thoughtful conversations with you children to be aware of any concerns or questions they may have. Keep your children involved in the process, as the adoption process will significantly impact their lives also. Have open discussions about what can often be a long wait as well as how things may look as their new sibling transitions and works to attach to your family.
B. Should I adopt multiple children?
- When adopting an older child, it is possible that they are also part of a sibling group. Siblings can offer comfort and familiarity to one another as they travel out of their home country and culture into one that is unknown and most likely strange to them. With this benefit, there is also the need to consider whether you as a parent can meet the emotional and attachment needs of multiple children all transitioning at once.
- It is a greater leap to adopt multiple children at once. Keep in mind that you will need extra resources available for more children, including finances, clothing, rooms in your home, time, etc… You will need to be able to give individual attention to each child to help meet their attachment needs or other challenges they may experience as they transition home or as they grow into adulthood.
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